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I think it’s the first birthday that feels old to me.

Maybe that’s just the 14 children.

But let me ask you this: What kind of social networker gets robbed and takes more than two weeks to blog about it?

Shameful.

We had an elaborate plan to purchase bikes and head up the Railroad Trail to Amish country, where we were going to spend the night at a bed and breakfast for my birthady. Doesn’t that sound nice?

But the couple bucks we were shoring for that lil’ rendezvous has gone toward replacing all our shit that was stolen when some a-hole broke into our house.  ROBB’D! At least we’re getting sweet new stuff for “free.”

Well, that’s only if you don’t count the thousands of dollars we’ve poured into home insurance over the years. That skyscraper full of $100,000+ employees ain’t gonna pay for itself. Or the Blue Jackets for that matter. Insurance is such a scam. We should have communal insurance like the Amish.

But at least insurance agents don’t sneak into your house when you are not answering the door. That, it turns out, is creepy!

Living out in Bangs, Ohio, robbery is not something that comes to mind a lot. B&E was so far from my mind that when I saw the spot on the wall where the TV used to be, my first thought was, “Why did Seth move the TV?” I missed a bunch of clues … the door was open, the dog was barking in the closet. It wasn’t until I saw the drywall all over the floor that I was like, “Oh. wait a minute.”

They got Tv, laptop, Seth’s guitars and my wedding band. We really don’t have that many gadgets. The neighbors asked if they leafed through all our drawers. Seth and I looked at each other and we realized: “We only have one drawer in the house.”

It’s in our coffee table, and they went through it. They didn’t steal the copy of the mortgage.

You’d think they’d take a look at the condition of our house and think, “Oh, wow. These poor schmucks.” Maybe leave some money behind so we could finally get some outlet covers and finish the trim on the stairs. But they didn’t. According to the Deputy, (whose nephew, FYI, sells and installs home security systems, and by the way, here is a business card for his services. why don’t you give him a call?) the perps go after the poor-looking houses on the block. The Bangs Golf Course Estates may have Lexus SUVs in the driveways, but they also have alarms. And they probably don’t have sleepy English Bulldogs.

I am curious as to whether Maybel woke up.

I made Molly sleep next to me that night (“They’ve seen the photos, and they’re going to come back for THE ADORABLE BABY!”) but other than that, I don’t think I’ve been too paranoid.

Happy Birthday, me!

Seth took me to eat some steak and a huge brownie and I think that is all right.

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