Somebody is getting lucky tonight.

these are not my floors but you get the idea.

My husband bought me a robot vacuum cleaner for Mother’s Day.

He was discerning enough to catch the subtle trail of hints I left him!

(Insert footage of me pounding on his chest and threatening divorce if I did not get my expensive robot vacuum cleaner for Mother’s Day)

I cannot describe how happy this new toy makes me.

My college girlfriend Chicago Talya stopped by on whirlwind tour of Ohio Sunday, so I forced her and her buddy Glenn to marvel at this new addition to our family. She said I was every feminist’s worst nightmare, and I thought that was clever and oh-so-very true.

I am trying to ignore the spirit of my petite grandmother, who infamously hurled a vacuum cleaner– gifted from my grandfather — out the back door and smashed it into the yard in front of my parents. She was a spirited little pipsqueak who did not take kindly to all things domestic, gifted or otherwise–despite this being the only option for women at the time.

I justify this by telling myself that I have a job outside the home, and therefore it is my choice to embrace cleaning-related gifts.

I wish I could buy every woman on the planet one of these things.

Take off your bras and put down your abortions, ladies! This thing will set you free! I just sit there and watch it toil away, and I empty the bin when it is finished. It even plays a little robot song upon start-up, reminding me that sometimes things can look forward to cleaning.

Are you shaking your head in wild disbelief? I know, right? Nothing is that easy, but I could eat dinner off my floors and I no longer have to pick bits of dog food off my child when she takes to rolling around on the living room rug.

Plus, it automatically transitions between rugs and hardwood floors. It KNOWS when there is a drop-off, and it prevents itself from falling down the stairs.  Our dog can barely do that!

We didn’t get the one that automatically docks itself when the battery is low, but that is okay. That feature is probably not worth the extra $150.

Roll on, Molly Mae. Let those crumbs drip from your mouth, Maybel. Seth? Let the sawdust fly. Nothing a little magic robot won’t fix.

Marital domestic bliss.

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  • Jaydubs

    I’ve been contemplating purchasing one of these since, well, I first heard of ‘em. I’ve read mixed reviews; I’m going to use you as my guinea pig in deciding if these things are worth the cash. Don’t let me down!!

  • paul

    This is one of my all-time best blog post ever.

  • Aaron

    First that car that parallel parks, and now this. How will women fill the hours now?

  • Becky

    I love my Roomba. If you ever wonder if it’s too expensive, just think that if it works for 3 years, it’s like paying someone 30 cents a day to clean your floors…I would pay them 50! Way to go on the cool mom gift.

  • Megan

    I think I need to step in here and confirm that this IS in fact empowering and is NOT every feminists worst nightmare. The very fact that someone (probably a MAN) went to the trouble to invent this to create and easier way to do a job, a job that is traditionally thought of as a woman’s job, is “feminist” in and of itself. It’s like the pill only for housecleaning!