My fifth and a half day at the office: A Report.


I need to say that ‘most everyone ’round me has made this exceptionally easy. My own shortcomings have made going back to work one of the most difficult adjustments of my adult life. And I just had a baby, so. Go figure.

This is because I miss my bumperhead at toxic levels, but also because I am not a very organized person, and there is a lot of forethought required. And the equipment! Pump, keys, diapers, milk, car seat, coolers, laptop, wallet, cell phone, etc. etc. Heaven help me if I pack a sack lunch.

I’m sad to report that so far, every single day I’ve left something I’ve needed in a different county. There was the one time Seth had a baby but no car seat base or bottles to feed her because I had both those things in my car. There was the other time I was hungry but had no wallet to buy grub (H/T to Greeg for supplying me mac n’ cheese allowance). There was the time I had milk but no cooler pack to transport it. And the time our poor Manny had a mysterious bag of pretzels and a turkey sandwich left in his home.

In fact, I fear we might slowly and absent mindedly migrate the entire contents of our home to the Manny’s residence. Sorry, manny. But he and his sexy assistant have been great. Someone should promote them.

I feel confident that eventually we will find our groove. I might need to find a job closer to home, however. This is not a new discovery. Two separate accident-related traffic jams and two Snow Storms of the Century have not helped matters. It’s a lot of time on the ol’ dusty trail between Bangs, Ohio and back again–especially on the drive home. I simply cannot get back to my little wombmonster fast enough.

For the record, I waited at least 25 minutes in standstill traffic last Wednesday night before I pulled a median-crossing U-Turn that would’ve made Bruce Willis proud. And this was a good 10 minutes after my heart had leapt out of my chest and took off on foot for Knox County, Ohio. Poor heart. Stupid commute. 

This evening I almost took out another deer and a Knox County snow plow. Stupid commute.

Anyway, life outside the womb is hella easier because we employed the services of Padula Manny, Inc. It feels 110 percent better, I imagine, when you’re leaving your offspring with someone you trust. He is so sweet with her. Not to mention his wife, who I heard shout “where’s my baby?!” while hustling over to greet Molly. (As a sidenote, from now on, you are judged not by the content of your character, but by how quickly you reach for my child when we walk through the door.) And if I had to be worried on top of just generally missing Molly, I fear I’d lock myself in the basement and refuse to work ever again. PS – Our basement is REALLY SCARY.

In Columbus, Ohio, Eric already has talked me off the ledge several times. ps – I’ve been back to work for like five days.

I hope I am the first one to sneak away from a staff meeting to weep in the bathroom. But if it is okay with you, I would rather just blame that on separation anxiety. At least on the Internet.

There’s no crying in The Other Paper.

I <3 everyone.

Promise I’ll git better @ life.

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