Unsportsmanlike conduct: Excessive celebration (Now with 100 percent more swears.)

Please allow me to be a total asshole for a moment as I celebrate passage of Issue 2, and the downright brilliant outmaneuvering of Big Veg by what will be known henceforth as Big Meat.

Congrats to all the “real” farmers — family, factory, organic, corporate and otherwise — who parked the combine and devoted valuable harvest hours tirelessly explaining to 9-5ers where their food comes from, and why this was an important issue. It was invigorating to see that happening. Not all votes were because everyone completely understood the issue, of course, but thousands of Food Conversations were started, and they will continue on into 2010. And you were a part of the conversation, instead of just the evil villain in Food Inc. or whatever. Which is important. And you were so patient. More patient then I was, and I’m not even defending my livelihood.

I would also like to thank Tot Two, who was on board from the beginning — you know, because of the placenta. Without her support, and the support of Democrats, Republicans, the governor, Sen. Voinovich, both houses of the legislature, local humane societies, food pantries, commodity groups, the restaurant association, the farm bureau and God, of course, none of this would have been possible. I’d also like to thank those turkey farmers from Texas or wherever who chipped in 20 grand.  Out-of state special interests, I believe they are known as.

Special shout-out to HSUS, whose whack-job method of reform and godless vegan morality proved looney tunes enough to terrify farmers (yes, FARMERS!) into carving out a governmental regulatory board they probably should’ve created a long time ago. The animals will benefit from this clash.

But I’ve got to get this wretched display of a victory dance in now before Big Veg comes back in 10 minutes and, you know, successfully outlaws all pig farming or something in 2010:

Dear Wayne Pacelle:

I think I speak for no one but myself when I say: Take your stupid cat back to Washington and think real hard about what you want to do next. Also, your life’s work is meaningless.

Jesus loves you,

xoxo,

teet

Holy shit! We just amended the fucking constitution!

Now, it’s time to get back to work.

I expect good things from this board.

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  • Jaydubs

  • http://blach.tumblr.com Ben Lachman

    Let’s guess which county I’m from… yup, lone failure, baby.

  • theteet

    Jenny, just remember that double homicide NEVER looks good on anybody’s record. Regardless of justifiable cause.

    Ben, I think this is the only time that Athens has been red in a sea of blue. It caught me off guard.

  • Jaydubs

    I’ve read this several times now, and each time I do, I feel like I’ve been sucker-punched.

  • theteet

    I don’t want to sucker-punch you! Which part? All the parts?

    Here is something that will comfort you:

    Just imagine how enraged I’m going to be when this passes 90-10.

  • Jaydubs

    I think this post is pretty much the opposite of every conversation we’ve ever had about how people with deep philosophical differences can disagree civilly. And when you call advocacy on behalf of better standards of care for farm animals “meaningless,” well, I can’t help but feel like you consider some of my most closely held beliefs to be meaningless as well.

  • theteet

    While Jaydubs and I take our issues offline, I thought it might be important to tell you what I told her:

    Although I appreciate the need for civil discourse, I respectfully request that everybody allow me to be a flippant asshole for one second of my obviously miserable life.

    And unless your name is Wayne Pacelle, it is not this post’s intention to make any kind of blanket statement about your personal beliefs on animal care standards.

    I would also like to point out that I cannot drink.

  • http://www.wordpress.franticantics.com Megan

    Teet, please stop sending any additional cats to Washington, I’m allergic. thx

  • http://www.franticantics.wordpress.com Megan

    Something tells me I don’t want that guy here either.