I’m so happy I got to see you

The bad news is that we put 841 miles on our Honda from Wednesday through Sunday.

The good news is that we saw the faces of many beautiful Americans, including Timeless Classics like Colleen Rankin, Grandpa Paulus and the Entire Teter Clan, including 4-year-old Westerville soccer star Jacob Teter. Birthdays were celebrated. Goals were scored. Farewells were said. Cracker Barrel was eaten.

By Saturday, I was really glad to get out of the car and walk the 356-mile scenic route from 4th and 11th to C-Deck at the Ohio Stadium for the Wisconsin game. It was nice to stretch the ol’ legs, and for Seth and I to be reminded of how happy we are that we are not in college anymore.

I was excited to see the latest OSU-gone-wild gameday fashions. The ladies did not disappoint. Last year there was the tie-the-jersey-up-under-your-boobs craze. This year that seems to have been replaced by the tights. You wear black tights under your jersey and you wear huge ugly boots with the outfit.

What will they come up with next year?!

Which reminds me, someone needs to memo The Other Girls: short shorts are OUT and tights are IN.

We also got to overhear amazing conversations like, “I was so drunk last night that I don’t even know,” and “Remember when I totally tried to punch that guy?” and “I don’t care. I’m just going to say it: She is a bitch and needs to get over it!”

The best is when everyone is drunk before 3 p.m.

At what point in society did we decide to take men and women at their physical peak, confine them in gross apartments and force them to toss bean bags into holes all day long, only to have them hopelessly troll for meaningless sex at nightfall? Shouldn’t they be out building railroads or digging wells or something? College is such a waste.

Walking Frat Row to Lane Avenue is very different when you’re suddenly about to become a parent. Seth and I discussed ways that our daughter could grow up with integrity like her father and could avoid the arrests and the premarital sex and the drugs and the sneaking and the car accidents and the other shenanigans that her mother may or may not have been involved in. I’ll never tell. That stuff was scrubbed from my record — both the eternal copies and those stored by the Ohio University Police Department.

I think the key is having Seth raise the child, while I serve as a tragic reminder of the emotional and physical pain that irresponsible activities can bring.

I also think that regular dental check-ups are key.

Seth’s main concern is that he and I are both killed by a mugger on our way home from the opera and Molly has to become the next Batman.

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  • Anonymous

    You are such the storyteller! I am longing for a puppet show tonight. (yes, longing.) And if I could choose the lead sock role to entertain me – it would be you. Come to think of it you AND Mae would be my dream puppeteers. If only dreams DID come true…

    Oh, thanks for letting us in on the side conversations. Excellent addition to the story. Added drama.

  • Shelby

    Doh! Wasn’t trying to be mysterious…was in a cheese coma.