GPOYAS: Boobs and bowels edition

This photo illustration represents theteet at 31 weeks pregnant.

This photo illustration represents theteet at 31 weeks pregnant. We're working on a proper photo shoot. xoxo, theteet.com LLC

Thus far in Baby Tot’s gestation, the only thing different about my bowels was the frequency with which people asked about them.

How are your bowels moving? They all ask. Have you been constipated?

I managed to avoid what apparently is inevitable in pregnancy — until last week. I think that by the power of suggestion, my bowels finally have given in to the persistent questioning.  I feel like I’m taking in more than I’m letting out, ifyaknowwhatimean.

AndIthinkthatyoudo.

Think about these things the next time that you see me.

Think a loooooong time about it.

The good news is that although I’m somewhat handicapped in the bathroom, pregnancy has provided the opportunity for the super-human feat of finishing an entire medium Blizzard from Dairy Queen. I have always had difficulties getting a full 16 oz. of ice cream and Oreo cookies down the hatch. I normally have to freeze the remainder and try again in a second round. No more. Baby Girl and I are making a fool of the medium-sized Blizzard. And we might even try for a large before things get too crowded in my abdomen. Just because it sounds insane.

HAS ANYONE EVER DONE THAT?! FINISHED A LARGE BLIZZARD?!  WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?!

Speaking of packing things away, I am officially a B-CUP! Pregnancy has delivered everything I ever dreamed of! Smaller-than-average-sized breasts!!!!!!!! Try not to stare. And immediately think of my impacted bowels.

Despite frequent “B-CUP! B-CUP! B-CUP!” chants taking place around the house by a certain pregnant woman, Seth has had a difficult time being impressed by my HUGE JUGS because of the ever-expanding belly. proportionally, the giant abdomen is distracting from my obvious sex appeal. That and the fact that I walk like I’m carrying a heavy box. But when this belly thing deflates here in a couple months, (the boobs stay HUGE FOREVER, right ladies?!?!) I expect Seth to make some kind of ARRGUUUUUUUUGA noise while the steam comes out of his ears.

B-CUP! B-CUP! B-CUP!

What’s next, pregnancy – HIPS?!?!

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  • rachelmccoy

    I must admit that I’ll be a tad sad when the babe arrives and allows you little time to blog. What a happy time that will be for sure, but stuff like this and the cat story will be sorely missed. :)

    Keep on keepin’ on!

  • http://franticantics.wordpress.com Megan

    As someone with extensive experience in all areas “bowel” (and who frequently blogs and tweets about it) I can give you only one piece of advice: Hot water bottle. This may not actually induce the equilibrium you are looking for, but it sure makes it feel better. Just position it right above your pubic (ew) bone, which I think in your condition is a place you can’t reach, but that is what husbands are for.