I always wondered what it would feel like to have one body, and then Expand-O-Tron in a series of weeks. Like, your stomach is one thing one month, and then a completely different thing the next month. What’s that feel like, I always wondered.
For the record, there’s a lot more expanding to come. But here’s the latest:
Well, it feels like you’ve just eaten a huge meal — bigger than you should have — and you’re digesting. Except it’s not Thanksgiving. And you haven’t had a huge meal. You’re just sitting there. And also, your meal is moving around inside your stomach. Periodically punching you. Someone told me my uterus is the size of a soccer ball.
Does that sound weird enough?
Baby Girl Tot (still getting used to that) is now a little over a pound and the size of a healthy mango. Going to the grocery store is 100 percent more exciting when you’re pregnant.
Since our last GPOYAS episode, Steter and I attempted to REGISTER!! at Baby’s ‘R’ Us. That place is the devil. We registered for two receiving blankets and had an existential crisis over something called a “bumper,” (“ISN’T THAT WHAT THE CAGE IS FOR?!?!” Steter said.) before we high-tailed it out of there. We have approximately 800 things left on the list.
The whole thing was my fault, really.
On the way home from work last week, Seth aparently had grown tired of watching me walk around the house with my jeans unbuttoned. When I asked him if he wanted to stop by Polaris on the way home from work and “pick up some maternity pants,” I expected him to say, “That sounds like the worst Friday night ever.” Much to my surprise, he was just susceptible enough to say “Sure!”
So we went to Destination Maternity, which is just as much fun for men as it sounds. You walk in and everyone starts handing you juice and water and strap-on 7-month prosthetic bellies — and they’re weirdly attentive, offering to take each article of clothing back to a dressing room before you’ve barely taken if off the rack.
But seriously. $25 off designer maternity jeans? Who does that? Honestly?
Luckily, there’s a po’ man’s section buried somewhere in Destination Maternity, so I cashed in, buying three pairs of bottoms in under 30 minutes. Seth was already demoralized, so I suggested we head over to Babies R Us for a little registering action. It was all a little too commercial for my man, who literally was at one point sizing up strollers to see if he could build one with supplies from TSC.
Luckily for little Tot, or unluckily, depending on how you view life and material things, there are certain things you HAVE to buy. After some discussion, we concluded that our stroller, car seat and pack n’ play probably won’t be handmade.
The rest of it might be.
Did you know baby’s bed clothes are, like, $200?
They’re just very smallsheets. And the baby doesn’t even use the quilt. And if I absolutely cannot live without a mini-dust ruffle, I can probably make it myself.
Anyway, that’s the story of registering.
We’re exploring less conventional methods. We’ll try again soon.
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