praise jesus. i feel like dying.
so, i don’t mean to compare Tot Two to well, you know, but there have been some encouraging signs already this round, including nighttime nausea and mandatory bedtimes of pre-11 p.m.! seth has recently referred to me as “nutsy,” due to the devastating mood shifts that have me laughing and crying with little warning.
this is all new, by the way, (except for the crying part, of course) and it’s encouraging evidence that there may be some sort of weird alien science at work inside my body.
being pregnant last time was like waiting alone in a dark room, hearing a distant ghost train approaching, and then one day getting hit by that train.
more recently, it’s like waiting alone in a dark room, and i’m still hearing the distant train, but this time i’ve been armed with one of those emergency flashlights. you know, the kind you have to shake for about 10 minutes before they give off a weak beam of light. at least i might be able to see what’s coming and get out of the way. who knows. i don’t really know where i was going with that metaphor.
i’m working on my attitude.
and although this blog never reflects it, i have begun to turn my anxiety attacks around on Mr. Devil, Esq., who frankly would prefer it if I spent the next 12 weeks with my face in delicious self-absorbed fear pie. (delish!) i have been meeting these moments of terror head-on, (translation: every time I make a trip to the ladies’, I assume it is the end.) and have been able to re-focus my thoughts on the four or five or six families/individuals who could use some religious petitioning on their behalf.
i figure it’s the least i can do to pray for you while i’m on the toilet.
i feel like a lot of people have kept me in their prayers lately. do you ever FEEL like, “i’m pretty sure that, like, a ton of people have been praying for me, and i’m pretty sure that’s the only reason i’m holding it together right now.”
have you ever FELT that?
like, a supernatural thing?
(and bunnies lay eggs. riiiiiight.)
but shallow concepts like “faith” and “trust” aside, as long as i remain a tender and miserable, bloated ball of hormones, i will feel a little more at ease.
we are in our sixth week of this thing. six more to go.
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