CRANK

i heard one woman say it, and i think it accurately describes what i’ve become.

which kinda sucks, cause normally, i would be joyful to hear your news. like, overcome with joy. but my loss has taken THAT away from me, too. and i’m just bitter. i’m talking to you. all of you. the ones who haunt my dreams. in the grocery store. on Facebook. in the parking lot. and now on the goddamn Grammy’s?

i sort of wish that i was infertile so that i could subscribe to this magazine:

this woman is funny

this woman is funny

ok, maybe i don’t. but i like her style. the woman who made this up is the funniest woman i’ve ever met online . i tried to buy her book at the Book Loft, but they did not have it in stock. alas.

i think if i had about two-and-a-half more miscarriages, maybe an infertility treatment or two, i could write a book like hers– now with 100% more religion!

and there would be greeting cards, too. and other appropriate, tasteful-yet-brilliant products in my line. girlfriends around the globe rave.

A testimonial:

“My girlfriend just had a miscarriage, but I’ve never been through anything like that, so I had no idea what to say. The few options available were really cheesy. And I just knew she’d punch me in the face  if I offered condolences for the loss of her ‘angel baby.’ This line of product helped me reach out in an appropriate way.”
— Girlfriend 

but first, my book. the title of my book is:

How to have a miscarriage.

By Lyndsey Teter

In a bookstore near you. 

… or you can special order it. whatev.

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  • mjbipjd

    This is hilarious! I want to print it out and frame it! I just spent several HOURS reading that lady’s website… ahhh… to be unemployed ;)