My 25 things. Facebook is the devil.

So, I, too, have been tagged. Are these supposed to be my zaniest quirks? My proudest moments? I need clarification on the assignment.

Crap. This is going to be really hard, because I’m a blogger. Everyone already knows everything there is to know about me. I guess I could write up 25 things I’ve done in the last few hours, but still, I put some of that stuff on my Facebook status, so I’m struggling to find the answers. But this has been looming like a past due thesis, so I’ll give it my best shot.

In the order of awesomeness:

1. My sister, my roommate and I were in a pretty rad car accident in college. I got off without brain injuries, unlike the others. I have a metal plate in my jaw and in my arm as a result. Both things ache when the weather changes. Ladies, don’t get in the car with aviation majors.

2. I have raised a pig and sent it to slaughter.

3. I once made out with the brother of the lead gal in Coyote Ugly. He’s just as pretty. But I’m mostly sure he hates it when people call him that.

4. During my senior year, my father got a new job two hours north of my hometown. My mom agreed to stay in town with my sister and me while we finished high school, essentially agreeing to live as a single parent for almost three years. We never give my parents enough credit for this.

5. I grew up with the address “3 Sunny Drive.” Pizza delivery drivers always thought it was a hoax.

6. I’ve been in a long-term relationship of one sort or the other since the 6th grade.

7. I didn’t drink or smoke until the summer after high school.

8. I drank just about every day after that until I got arrested for public intoxication my freshman year of college. My dorm-mates threw me on the floor of my dorm after I had passed out and they left the door wide open. Not safe. When the cops came by to resuscitate a girl with alcohol poisoning in the room next to mine, (OU was fun.) they saw me lying there and cited me. I threw up on my Bible in front of the cop. Ladies, don’t try tequila.

9. I love a merciful, patient god.

10. When I lived on Bryden Road in Columbus, I gave a ride to a lady who was asking for change. She drove me all around the ghetto, and I got in a lot of trouble with all my friends and family. I think that might have been the single time I’ve really helped out a stranger.

11. I have chickens. Have you heard?

12. I can wire a three-way switch.

13. I made Jon Stewart laugh.

14. I have not owned a dishwasher in nearly a decade.

15. I once lived homeless in Washington D.C. I eventually pretended to be an American University student who lost her ID so I could crash in a dorm room.

16. I have unknowingly eaten dinner with a nudist colony. The “head” of the colony was a 70-year-old part-time entertainer. I declined his offer to live in the basement for free.

17. I was born with hip sockets that had not yet been fully formed. For the first three months of my life, I had to wear these braces that put me in the shape of a frog. I can do the splits because of these braces.

18. I also frequently held my breath until I passed out as an infant. (Turns out this was not the last time I would frighten my mother.)

18. There are three songs written about me.

19. My parents own 10 acres of woods in our old hometown. While the rest of the kids were at football games, my sister and I were working in our 2-acre garden. I did not appreciate it as much as I should have at the time.

20. My husband and I went to the same high school. I was pretty much in love with him the entire time. He decided to give me a shot after we were both in college, albeit different colleges. We dated long-distance for approximately 48 years. Long-distance sucks.

21. I once left my car running for an entire weekend in a bad neighborhood and no one stole it.

22. I was pregnant for 10 weeks once. (Have ya heard!?)

23. On her first trip home from Cincinnati, my English Bulldog peed on my lap. She has been a real bitch ever since.

24. I occasionally compete in lumberjack competitions. I throw a mean axe if I’m a little drunk. You know, to take the edge off. The crowd makes me nervous.

25. I once convinced and entire email string of college girls that I was their sorority president. I had been confused for the REAL “Lyndsey Johnson, sorority president,” and I wielded my power to chastise a girl for sending flowers to a competing sorority. I also helped organize a charity fundraiser.

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