the steter: a heroic tale

last night something hormonal was happening to me.

for the last three days i have been laughing, crying and becoming a ball of hate on a series of dimes. i imagine that would be the proper phrasing, considering the fact that i would turn on a dime several dimes in a row. like, $10 billion worth of dimes.

seth is a hero among men

seth is a hero among men



it felt a little like that time i was on birth control, and my hormones went berserk and the chemicals sent me into a series of shame spirals. you remember that time? that time sucked. if this had continued, i knew how it would have ended. seth would come home and i’d be sitting, unshowered, on the couch in sweat pants, balling my eyes out while eating out of a bucket of chicken and watching Starting Over. when he caught me, i would have started giggling uncontrollably.


this was not a stable situation.

so i decided to head the shame spiral off at the pass by letting myself Estrogen Out.

i put on my comfiest jeans and a big soft sweatshirt and headed out — on the verge of tears or was i laughing? what? — to the movie theater to see Meg Ryan and Grace of Will & Grace in … The Women


seth looked confused when i approached him in my outfit.

where are you going, he asked.

to see The Women, i told him. do you want to come?

no, he said. no, i do not want to come.

i gave a pathetic sigh and told him i understood. i would have to do this alone.

but then, i imagine it must have been seeing his beautiful bride in such a wretched state, that seth, being the gracious man that he is, told me he would come with me to the movie. to the movie called The Women. on a Friday night.

his only condition in accompanying me was that we stop at the gas station, and that i purchase a 6-pack for him to down on the way to the theater. i complied, and the poor man drank 4 beers in about 6 minutes. we fit the rest in my purse and made our way inside the theater.

the movie was the best cinema since Jurassic Park 4. the 40-minute part when she rebuilt her life really would have better served as a montage, but there was enough eva mendes in lingerie to keep seth from killing himself.

i Estrogened Out in hour two, and was more than thrilled to have my brave, drunk husband next to me as i returned to normalcy.

my favorite part of the whole evening was nothing about the terrible, awful, horrible movie. it was before the whole thing started, as seth and i sat in the theater with a 50-year-old lesbian couple, two mothers and their daughters, and another young couple. i went to get some popcorn, and when i came back, seth said he was glad to see me return.

but you’re not the only man in here, i told him.

yes, he said. but i was the only man sitting alone holding a purse.

best. night. ever.

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