i should not be serious on the internet

i don’t know if it’s because the sun goes down a bit earlier than it used to, or if it’s the blanket i use in the mornings, or if it’s how we talked about buying a light for the office. or maybe it was that rest stop, or maybe it all starts happening a little faster once you’ve put in a solid quarter-century, but it feels a little like college tonight. can you remember what that means?

it’s a little like a rooster chasing a bulldog. you’re confident enough to run after it, but you’re not quite sure what you’ll do when you get there. you haven’t thought it through.

what i meant to say is that i went to bible study tonight.

we spoke of how god requires time. like your boyfriend or your girlfriend requires time. only he’s mostly invisible. which makes planning a little more difficult.

and how at the end of the day, it’s just you and him. there will be no one else standing around. there will be no one there to blame it on. we’re not here to talk about how mean they were to you, he’ll say. i want to talk about how you responded to me.


and how jesus, who was pretty decent overall, was often seen scampering into the woods to pray.

and how if he, who was pretty decent overall, went scampering into the woods to pray, then how arrogant is it of you — who are not that decent, let’s be honest — how arrogant is it of you to think you can put your feet on the floor every morning without addressing him yourself?

we all live and breath such arrogance. we’re self-made.

and then I think about what your life must be like, probably still getting up at 5 in the morning to pursue your pathetic little dreams. It just makes me sad.

I mean, where are you really trying to get to anyway? And what are you doing in that limo? 

Who the eff do you think you are?

*throws giant Pepsi at limo*

*runs away*

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