i know the treasure you seek.

dead to me

dead to me

Raccoons are the worst creatures on the planet.

Last night one of these obnoxious beasts pulled down EVERY STOCK OF CORN THAT WE have grown and ate them.

Losing garden produce to critters is irritating, but sort of expected. The bigger offense came when we discovered a huge hole had been dug at the corner of our chicken coop.

raccoon. listen up.

if you so much as even think of putting one tiny claw into one of my hens, i will go vigilante on your ass.

there are no animal courts in Guantanamo Bangs, my brother. i will take the day off work, i will hunt you down, yank your ass out of whatever den you’re sleeping in, and i will rip off your little paws one at a time until you’d wish you were dead. but i’ll leave you alive so you don’t miss me trapping and killing your dearest friends and loved ones.

this is what shall come to pass if you eat my chickens.

do not seek the treasure.

ps – now, this guy knows how to blog about raccoon problems. we haven’t tried christian rock or Rush Limbaugh yet …

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  • Brittiny

    I haven’t laughed so hard all day as I did when I read this blog. I love you Teter.

  • Dennis

    Maybe it was punishing you in advance for saying “stock” when you mean “stalk.”

  • Merlin

    I know you’re a big deal now and all, LT, but I don’t think raccoons read blogs.

  • theteet

    :D :D :D

    especially with such limited broadband access in rural areas.

    strickland is winning huge points from the raccoon electorate for making adequate statewide bandwidth a priority.

  • Sister

    Could I necropsy the coons when you’re done with all the slaying? It would be good practice…