Teters declare unwavering dependence on foreign oil

In a press joint release filed today, the Teters declared their dependence on foreign oil.

“For far too long, the Teters have mistakenly tried to follow the dangerous path of sustainable living,” said Teth Seter in a statement.

“Raising our own pig, growing our own food and making our own house were part of a national charade that threatened to end our peaceful existence and increased our vulnerability – and it must end today.”

Without foreign oil — and lots of it — the family would not be able to commute to work, to the library or to Lowe’s Home Improvement Center, Lyndsey Teter said.

“Traveling to these places is very important to us. Foreign oil is our lifeblood. It’s time we make that clear to the American people.”

Reluctance to rely on foreign oil is not a new problem for the Teters.

“It took years for us to develop our addiciton to oil,” Seth Teter said. “We were, at one point, willing to throw that away. Our economy and our national security were hurt by the fact that while living near our jobs, we relied on smaller amounts of foreign energy.”

Despite such promising news, questions remain about the commercial viability of many large energy suppliers in the Middle East.

“The industry is threatened by several smaller, more sustainable start-ups — some of which are based right here in our homeland,” Lyndsey Teter said. ”We hope others will bravely stand, as we have.”

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  • Rogue Agent

    You need a graph to correlate the decline of “self reliance” measured against your fossil fuel consumption. The staff of The Onion will be calling soon…