and i can’t even secure jobs that have been offered to me.

 oh. my. gawd.

this proabably represents 1/10 of the sum:

From:     Lyndsey Teter
To:     *SNP Edit ALL
Date:     3/12/08 12:21PM
Subject:     Mission Accomplished.

As chief legal counsel for Katie Dodson, I have been advised to cordially invite everyone in the newsroom to drink a celebratory (virgin) Irish Car Bomb in her honor on Friday, March 14 at Patrick J’s Bar and Grill, 2711 N High St in Clintonville, Ohio 43202.

Miss Dodson has secured a job in the non-profit sector and will be dearly departing SNP after more than a year of dedicated service on Tuesday, March 18.
Gatherin’ starts at quittin’ time. Patio dancing begins roughly at 9.
From:     Lyndsey Teter
To:     *Photo;  *SNP Edit ALL
Date:     11/27/07 10:16AM
Subject:     choose your own adventure
Nikki Bornhorst and David Cross are leaving and/or have left us. If you like Bikki more, go to paragraph A. If you prefer David, see paragraph B.

Paragraph A
After five years and at least one memorable (almost!) divorce party, Bikki Nornhorst will be leaving for greener pastures. Beginning — tomorrow! — she’ll wander the money-lined tunnels of Shittelle, dabbling in philanthropy and/or going on all-night shoe shopping binges. Please join us Friday to toast her long and celebrated career at SNP. We will be meeting at Patrick J’s after work. You better show up, or she’ll buy you.
Paragraph B
Cross is leaving.
Let’s get Krunked!
PJs. Friday after work.

 <>>From:  Jennifer Noblit
To: Ades, Richard;  Aurand, Lisa;  Bishop, Garth;  Bornhorst, Nikki;  Corvo, Kevin;  Cross, David;  Dodson, Katie;  Gerish, Matt;  Haskins, Marc;  Johnson, Tim ;  Jones, Greg;  Konczal, Jeffery;  Krumlauf, Tim;  Kubera, Rosemary;  Laycock, Dennis;  Liebendorfer, Bret;  Meyer, Joe;  Perrin, Khalila;  Proctor, Lisa;  Radcliff, Kathleen;  Somers, Meredith;  Teter, Lyndsey;  Todd, Lindsay;  Willis, Pamela;  Wiltshire, Cliff;  Wray, Jennifer
Date:  8/15/07 3:00PM
Subject:  So Long

Handbook be damned, I just wanted to say bye and let you know it was nice working with and getting to know you all.
I’m sure Teter will not fail in her party planning obligations, but my goodbye party will be next Thursday at Patrick J’s. If you don’t show up and say goodbye properly we’ll all talk about how you had something in your teeth that one time.

 From:     Lyndsey Teter
To:     *Photo;  *SNP Edit ALL
Date:     4/26/07 5:10PM
Subject:     save the date!
CC:     Coyle, Melany;  Palcsak, Terri;  Tonar, Bil
We will be at Patrick J’s Thursday, May 3 after work to celebrate Miss Katy Waters’ departure to edit the First Business Magazine, as I understand it. Come or else! I hear this lady has been working with us for four years, and she don’t take no sassin’.
– party email written by LYNDSEY TETER with reports from JENNY WRAY
.
From:     Lyndsey Teter
To:     *SNP Edit ALL
Date:     4/4/07 11:32AM
Subject:     fun with fenner
 Holly Fenner, known in some elite social circles as “Hot Softball Girl” is leaving us for greener pastures and fantastic OSU bennies in a mere 48 hours.
I have been a slacker getting this email out, but we will be gathering in her honor right after work on (Good) Friday at Patrick J’s. Come hang out with her while she’s still associating with non-university types.
.

>>> Lyndsey Teter 02/22/07 01:12 PM >>>

 we’ll be celebrating Angie’s departure after work at the usual spot on Friday.
Stop by Patrick J’s tomorrow to send this lady off with the same classically trendy no-nonsense style she brought to our newsroom each day. She will be greatly missed in the war-torn wasteland once known as the Estrogen Circle. And beyond, I’m guessing.
Perhaps she, like her predecessor, will come back to us with a hot Youngstownian bride in tow. In the meantime, Friday @ PJ’s. Do it. And while you’re at it, email Joe to ask for a casual day, because I’ve already played that card this month.

>>> Lyndsey Teter 02/14/07 01:31PM >>>

(Exclusive email invite edition)
Hey all -
While the rest of you slackers were home during Tuesday’s Level Two snowstorm, it seems the talented Miss Brittiny Dunlap was able to leave this company after two-and-a-half years for the competition without spurring any sign of hatred or defamation of character.
Although our sweet Dunlap has left the building, she will be available for exit interviews Friday after work at Patrick J’s.
Please join us in celebrating her time with us. (and/or to drown your sorrows at the news of her departure. whichever works)
Chris, as social coordinator of the sports department, you are responsible for telling the friendly sports reporters. Ben, you’ve been elected to help me tell those crazy photo kids. It’s like herding cats over there.

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  • Bill Melville

    I’m taking you off my linked blogs for this slight, and all further guest columns will be offered to ThisWeek first.

  • theteet

    you’re the one who decided to have your party at Bob’s Bar

  • Anonymous

    The social coordinator still reigns.

  • linzy

    It’s sad that I never got a going away party *sigh* Of course, that’s because I had to go and move to Orygun…

  • theteet

    two words: olive garden.

    two more words: ann maher!!!

    miss ya, laydee.