the jig is up

So, once, Joe gave me this stuffed dinosaur as a prize because it was first time i had written a column without mentioning my age. (Shut up – I’m self-conscious!) (and 25!)

Then a few months later, Maybel came with me into the office on a Sunday and chewed the eyes off said dinosaur.

For a while, I had the mangled dinosaur sitting on top of a pile of papers on my desk. It attracted a lot of passers-by. Then one day a loosed dollar bill was sitting near it. Noticing that, I mixed up my words during a conversation and started calling it a “Dollarsaur.”

(Stay with me. It gets better!)

Then I shoved a $1 bill into the Dollarsaur’s empty eye socket, and I put a sign on him that read, “Acknowledging the DOLLARSAUR will cost you $1.”

People complied. For a few hours, I said it was for charity and then I told Garth that it was a fundraiser for Barack Obama. Even the deaf guy put in some coin.

Yesterday there was enough money in the dinosaur that its head would no longer stand upright. I’m guessing maybe $5 and some change.

I was starting to wonder what I was going to do with all the stolen money. I knew things had gone awry when I became upset because Bret Liebendorfer acknowledged the DOLLARSAUR and refused to pay. But it looks like someone has caught on, because there is only about 35 cents and a paper clip in there right now, and I think someone even took the mint out of one of the eyesockets.

Still, for a few hours, I experienced the same high that I felt as a fake sorority present.

Scamming people is FUN.

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