jesus, take the wheel

let me get this out there so that if it happens, people will be able to discuss the difference between irony and coincidence at my funeral. 

so my worst nightmare might be navigating a right-hand curve in the dark on a rainy/icy road. my wheels loose traction and i drift left of center into the path of an oncoming semi/farm truck/snow plow.

i’ve told a couple people this, and they usually say something along the lines of, “oh, yeah, I know (insert name of person(s) who have died that way).”


If you’ve ever fishtailed, you’ve experienced that drop in the tummy when the tons of metal encasing you no longer responds as you would like it to. Except that these days, I feel this ‘drop’ every single second that I’m white-knuckled behind the wheel. I don’t think I’ve driven more than 40 mph in weeks.

and even though we’re approaching the 8-year mark since my real car accident, the sensations are surprisingly fresh, (more fishtail!) mostly because of the deers and the ditches this year — and the ice keeps coming! Every morning! I spilled out onto  a (thankfully) deserted Johnstown Road just 13 hours ago! How many ‘freebies’ is a girl allowed to have?

ok. ok. ok.

so here I am, driving 35 mph on the highway, a mile of traffic behind me, singing that Carrie Underwood song  to myself, or simply saying ‘jesus, jesus, jesus,” in pure, gripping fear — prayer’s truest form.

because there’s nothing you can do.

either a deer will run in front of your car or it won’t. either you will skid into a Big Rig or you won’t. on ice and in life, we are completely helpless! might as well not spend the last fleeting moments  on earth treating my commute-related ulcers, right? Right?!


at least my fear of clowns is mostly avoidable most days. although if they start giving commercial driver’s licenses to CLOWNS …. or if they start letting them working for ODOT >!… (shudder)


in lieu of flowers, please make your donations to MORPC. we really need a light commuter rail up in this bizznazz.

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  • Jaydubs

    Sorry dude. My talk about semis didn’t help, did it?

  • Bill Melville

    What if packs of clowns start crossing those slippery Knox County roads? Huh? What are you going to do then?

  • crankin

    i realize that maybe i have been a bit negative lately, but lyndsey. where did that song come from?! i didn’t realize that i needed to be so concerned about the music you were listening to. i am sorry, i will try to make it better.

  • theteet

    oh! i would speed up to hit one of those (see — this is where a swear word would fit nicely!) things. if you don’t take out a pack of clowns on the first round, you’re curtains — or wrapped in cotton candy with a straw stuck out of your brain or worse!

    crankin, your criticisms are always welcome. especially when you are losing so badly at SCRABULOUS. go ahead and vent, honey. Try to use an 86-point word, if you can think of one!


    no, but seriously.

    i go into that song rolling my eyes, but then i ALWAYS tear up by the end. not sure what the deal is there. same thing happens when i watch Harry and the Hendersons.