unplanned pregnancies

if there is anything I’ve learned from the movies, it’s that they always work out in the end. Teenagers should be especially willing to accept this message now, as Jamie Lynn bakes her oven bun, etc. Whatever happened to pulling out?

In other words, I saw Look Who’s Talking Two yesterday. I mean Juno. I saw Juno. And I enjoyed it immensely. As Dennis has said, there are many opportunities to go the way of cliche, but, (I would argue) just like No Country for Old Men, the screenwriters choose to refrain. Plus it’s sassy. Three cheers! I’d recommend it to friends.

Especially GIRLFRIENDS!

There are three urges that normal, run-of-the-mill teens and ‘tweens imagine themselves satisfying at some point, I think (please correct me if I am wrong):

1.) To be a successful careerwoman.

2.) To find a mate

3.) To become impregnated.

There is only one of these things that you can have NOW if you are impatient, or waiting forever for that IM from your boyfriend. 

I fear Hollywood is doing to pregnancy what it is doing to romance/relationships: exploiting and eventually ruining it. I call it The Notebook Syndrome, and it is the main reason that I become repulsed at all chick flicks. (There is something wrong with me, by the way.)

**** spoiler *****

Juno had an anti-chick flick feel to it, but I feel that was a disguise. I’m guessing that adoption is worse than one solid cry in a hospital bed. Following on the heels of Knocked Up, I’d also like to mention that one night stands with impregnation are not that easily converted into successful long-term relationships.

 ***** end spoiler ********

Ladies! Don’t get any big ideas. It’s never going to happen. At least not that way.

Also, where are the feminists? Where is the movie where the hero goes through with the abortion in the end? This will never happen. Why? Because abortions are shameful. I know because I watch the movies. The evil stepmothers in the movies always suggests “the other alternative,” or some crap. But the hero remains strong and impregnated.

Anyway, abortion is bad news, so maybe all those teenage gals who become inspired/impatient/with child will keep the human inside them around for a few months. I know lots of people who have tried successfully and unsuccessfully to adopt. There seems to be a huge demand for human babies.

I’m sorry.

I’m just mad because these movies (and People.com!) make me want to become impregnated, but I can’t because that’s the worst idea ever.

Also, the Man Who Wasn’t There really made me want to smoke. But that’s just good cinematography. You can’t get mad at that.

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  • Dennis

    You think “Man Who Wasn’t There” makes you want to smoke, you should see “Good Night, and Good Luck.” I think I saw some characters smoking two or three cigarettes at once just to get more haze onto the set.

    “Juno” didn’t make me want to get pregnant. Remember, that’s one doodle that can’t be undid, homeslice.

  • http://mymiddlenameisearl.blogspot.com Merlin

    That was my first thought after seeing ‘Man Who Wasn’t There.’ Also see ‘Fight Club,’ ‘Die Hard,’ and ‘Gremlins 2.’ Oddly though, ‘Thank You For Smoking’ never shows anyone light up, they just talk about it a lot.

  • billiondollarboho

    Don’t you remember how happy you were when that pig walked into your life — a baby is exactly the same. It’s totally not that big of a deal. You keep it locked up until it’s big and fat, then you eat it.