please help me. i hate ben marrison

i think i have an unnatural obsession with and hatred for the editor of the Dispatch.

everything he says makes me want the throw my computer monitor out the window. regardless, I’ve left him on my Google Reader. I always flip to the front of the Insight section on Sundays. I secretly love the pain he causes me.

Dennis and Garth may share my feelings to some extent, but I don’t think it’s healthy for a person to feel such disdain toward someone they have never seen in real life.

It’s just those pink cheeks. And his columns. And his blogs. And the huge paycheck he brings in, of course.

Like today, for example. Today is another example of a day when Ben Marrison published something. And guess what?! It makes me want rip out my eye sockets and smear the blood all over his pink little face.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m glad that his columns are prompting ‘hundreds and hundreds’ of readers to donate to charity. And I’m glad that someone is finally drawing attention to where it’s most needed this holiday season – right back to Ben Effing Marrison. Why were readers required to label the cans with “OSU,” or write “Buckeyes” in the memo of the check? I mean, I know why — so that later, Marrison could brag about how much he single-handedly raised — but why didn’t he just be forthright with us, and have donors write “Marrison” on the check?

Or fine. Okay. Fine. Write whatever you want in the memo, just don’t blog twice about how much credit you deserve for the donations. Okay. Fine. You solved Central Ohio’s hunger problems. The whole reputation problem the Buckeye Nation was suffering when national mags said we spent too much money on football? (and simultaneously had homeless people?) Problem solved! Can’t you do that silently to yourself? Or better yet — anonymously?!

 Ugh.

He brings out the person in me who really needs to get laid.

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