baby’s first runner’s high

I ran 10 miles today!

I regret it already. My body is responding with signs of sunburn and a 99.9 temperature. But my legs feel fine. Smoker’s lungs are a bit less enthusiastic, reports say. One lung was seen kneeled over on the side of the road, flipping the bird to passers-by.

So to celebrate, I did something equally ridiculous. I signed up to run the Columbus Half Marathon Oct. 21. (Registration increases Oct 1!!)

You should really check out the elevation on my 3.5-mile training loop. I had no idea. I mean, when Colleen threatened to murder me, I got a small indication, but. damn.

possum street crawl v3.0
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compared to the race elevation, I should all right.

As many of you are currently running routes double this length in preparation for a marathon, I need to ask you. Is “runner’s high” where it feels like all the blood has left your brain, and you look down and see your legs moving, and you understand that you aren’t moving them yourself, but they have acquired a mind of their own and will not stop until you are dead?

And also: armpit chaffing. any suggestions?

In other news, in light of recent events, I have started my own foundation, Stop Commentary Cruelty (.com) to protect innocent column writers from the wrath of those who love the puppies and the kittens. I endured a rather badgering few days at work hearing from callers who demanded my resignation, and a few others who wrote in expressing concern. As a paranoid person, I’m convinced that if neighborhood children start eating their pets, and if old people faint when they open their newspaper, the blood is on my hands.

Seth tried to make me smile with his own letter to the editor:
I completely disagree with Lyndsey Teter’s column that says abusing animals is wonderful and that animals don’t deserve our respect.


That being said, riddle me this:

Is it worse for one human to suffer, or for 5 animals to suffer?

Researchers asked this question to one million people (not sure of the exact stat yet) and the overwhelming answer was “It’s worse for one human to suffer.” They increased the number each time until the tipping point, when the majority of respondents chose the larger number of animals.

$50 to the first person who can guess what that figure was. (Hint: It is not 6 animals.)

(The study hasn’t been released publicly yet, so stop trying to Google it.)

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    Vaseline… I experienced that yesterday.

    Hooray for half marathons…

  • Pdawg

    of course, the human:animal suffering ratio depends on the animal.

    For instance:

    Baby seal – 1:1
    Kitten – 1:2
    Grown cat – 1:27
    Cow – 1:451
    Gopher – 1:2,341
    Fruit fly – 1:5,427,456,098

    that’s just science.

  • A Lachmonster

    hair. 500?

    Pdawg… your forgot:

    Fighting bred pit-bull – 1:40
    Mosquito – 1:a least a few quintillion

    …and I might even give the baby seal the odds on a human.

  • Bill Melville

    Vaseline uber alles … I wish I remembered that during my 15K on Saturday — this weekend is the Music City Half-Marathon (more on that at my own page)…but glad you’re ready.

  • Jaydubs

    Bodyglide, all the way. It looks like a stick of deodorant, lasts forever and works amazingly.

  • Spiderman

    Gotta love the calls demanding your job. At least you know people are reading.
    On the other hand I hear rumors about an anti-teter alliance forming.