i wish i wish i wish
i had my new cell phone handy to capture Maybel’s little prank. It may also have served as the last footage of her happy life on earth.
Let me preface with a separate story. As I got in the car last night, Seth informed me that he received a call from a collection agency RE: a $700 bill from Colombia Gas of Ohio.
It seems that despite calls we made informing CG of O of our pending move and our need to shut off service at 59 East Arcadia Avenue, a gas employee never was “let into” our apartment to walk down to the basement to shut off the service. The unfortunate circumstance here is that NO ONE EVER CALLED US TO TELL US THAT WE WERE PAYING TO HEAT AN VACANT APARTMENT FOR MORE THAN A YEAR. OF course, they claim to have sent repeated notices to the house that stopped paying its gas bill, but we never received those notices.
They did not shut off the gas until May of this year. We moved and called them to shut off the service in May of 2006.
I am so full of rage typing this right now that I can’t see straight.
The C*N**U*K*R customer service rep who talked to me on the phone informed me that because my name was on the bill, I was responsible for the charges — not the property owner — IRregardless of the fact (YES! SHE SAID IRREGARDLESS!!!) that the dumb a-holes put the meter in the basement instead of outside where they are supposed to exist.
It seems they had no problem offering the courtesy of a phone call once we had racked up a $700 bill.
The woman basically hung up on me and would not answer me when I asked repeatedly whether there was a method to contest charges. The saddest, most maddening thing about this is that Colombia Gas did this to us the last time we moved into a new apartment, and ended up charging us for service in both places.
If you deface or steal any property that you later find to belong to Columbia Gas of Ohio, please contact me so I can come over and pee on it.
I’m not sure what will happen with this $700 charge, but I will contest it until the day I die. (Which, from what I’ve heard from other people, is the most likely scenario) F**KST*CKS!
Anyway, so after that delightful conversation, I get home, walk upstairs and find Maybel the Pig hunkered down in the closet, surrounded by a large pile of taffeta and pearly, lacey sorts of materials. Maybel had pulled my wedding dress down from the closet, shredded the garment bag and peed all over my dress, a.k.a., her new nest. She also had jumped on the bed and peed all over the comforter — soaking everything down to the mattress.
The Pig-Pig eats my wedding photos and the Pig-Dog takes a giant piss on my wedding gown? WTF, animal kingdom?
Poor JWray innocently shared a heartwarming story about a farm she visited in New York, maybe like this one, where they rescue factory farm animals– which means they remove them from the hands of some idiot farmer or farmer hand or other non sequitur – and take them to a different farm where they can live out their days, walking over to licking Jaydub’s hands with their slightly maimed leg or beaks. They die of old age.
I am having trouble reconciling two truths in my head: Compassion is great and should be nurtured and encouraged. But cows make lousy pets! As for 300-pound pigs — they’re even worse at it. I mean, you can ride them, but barely.
I am torn. I already know how the animal kingdom feels about me (see related story above). I need to make up my mind how I feel about them.
I will never, ever defend someone who is an a-hole to animals. But I think that they are mainly here to serve us, but we need to appreciate them more than we do. God didn’t ask for all those slaughtered lambs for no reason. Killing an animal is a sacrifice, and I’m uncomfortable with the way they line them up and shoot them in the head on a conveyer belt.
However, I do not feel bad for killing our pig. In fact, I feel slightly better when I’m eating my pig than when I’m eating store-bought pig. I know that pig had short, happy life and died an appropriate, timely death. He served his purpose and I believe that whoever made me and Seth and Maybel and the Pig would agree it was an honorable process. Kill and eat. etc.
In other words, if Maybel wasn’t such a dynamite cuddler, I would eat her, and I wouldn’t feel bad about it. Also, I’m starting a Rescue Orphan Farm. We’ll start with some of those cleft pallet kids.
Maybe JWray can offer some advice?*
*about my reconciliation. not about acquiring children with cleft pallet.
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