Logistics and tow guys can suck it.

Seth has been in New York the past three days.

Did I already tell you this?

Other things I know:

It costs $55 to pay a professional to break into your car.

For the Second Year in a Row, Steter won the American Farm Bureau’s Most Awesome Story Ever Award. This time, it was for mints, or The Man Who Inspired Me to Carry A Picture of My Wife in My Wallet at All Times (Although the Girl From The Cardigans is Still Really Hot) but Who Also Was A Tea Farmer, as I have playfully titled it.

Although a dynamite feature writer, Seth’s powers of observation in the wee morning hours are, at times, lacking. Sunday morning, while recovering from a night of revelry with a fun group of kids in Washington Court House’s Woody’s Cafe, I got a phone message.

“Just wanted to let you know that your purse is in my car at the (Port Columbus International) airport.”

For those of you keeping track at home, although typical, this was problematic because it was Sunday, I was in Bangs, and the keys to my Honda were in my purse locked inside my husband’s car at the airport in Columbus. A taxi to Columbus would cost more than $40. But I wouldn’t be able to pay it anyway. My purse was locked in my husband’s car. at the airport. In Columbus.

So.

Call in Super Sister, who drove out to Bangs.

Hearing preliminary estimates, Amanda “I’ll break your windows before I’ll let you pay some tow truck asshole $55 to get into your car,” Johnson and I did some Internet research and spent about an hour practicing breaking into the Honda.

With a car full of supplies (crowbar, wire hangers, garden hoe — hey, why not — stick used to roast marshmallows, wooden shims, putty knife and finishing corners for drywall) we set out for row 16b in the Long-Term Blue Lot with angry girl country music blaring in the background.

Next time he’ll think before he cheats? Sure, why not.

I can only imagine what the people watching us from the security towers were thinking, but no one stopped us. A wandering businesswoman gave me the stink eye until I told her “this is my car, I promise.” She told us not to worry because she “couldn’t find her car anyway.”

There were a few tense moments, specifically when Amanda “got it halfway!” only to knock it back in with premature enthusiasm. Also stated, crowbar in hand: “Oh crap, my boob just fell out of my bra!” as, I imagine, all great crimefighter femme duos have uttered at one point or another.

Finally, after a brief pillow fight, with the crowbar/wire hanger combo, we unlocked the door with minimal damage to Seth’s car. Panic set in as I discovered my keys were not actually in my purse, but they were quickly located in Seth’s soccer bag in the trunk. Amen.

The whole thing only cost $11 to get out of the lot.

Can you feel that Broad and James Towing?
Feels good, doesn’t it? You like that dontcha?

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  • HS Nothingswronghere

    Even though this was on Sunday, I guess it excuses your absence from ComFest on Saturday.
    You should kick yourself for missing the dollhead toilet, though.

  • Bad Town

    With Comfest, there are no excuses – there was even an Experimental Dater sighting.

    I got the “we’ll meet in a field with beer in hand” e-mail earlier in the week and the second denial Saturday evening with a plan to show up Sunday.

    The only excuse is that you were too tempted to write a column about it and were afraid it might knock mine out of the rotation…

  • Sweet T

    Another 4 points granted.

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