inspired by brit-brat,

i, too, recently have become enraged by a prick stranger.

Earlier today, as we drove north to Ashland, the old man and I ran through Wendy’s drive-through. Fast food in the car (with Maybel) is never an ideal situation, but sometimes it happens. You have to work with the cards you are delt, etc.

We ordered three junior deluxe cheeseburgers, which are commonly served with onions. I hate onions. In lieu of tossing the onions in the paper bag, I thought it would be kind to share part of my junior cheeseburger deluxe with Mother Nature. I threw two slivers of onion out the car window into the middle of an adjacent field. the birds and mice and ants go crazy over these things. believe me.

anyway, happy in my good deed, we traveled north to the next stoplight when i heard a human voice screaming in my direction.

it seemed the 60-some-year-old white-haired environmentalist in the giant SUV next to us had taken issue with my decision to donate onions to the field.
let’s continue with a he said/she said: (Special Asshole Edition)

self-important simon and garfunkel fan: Where do you folks live?
l-jo:
sisagf: HEY! WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
l-jo: (looks, puzzled, in his direction.)
sisagf: Where do you folks live? I’d like to pick up that trash you threw out the window and put it in your yard!
l-jo: It was just onions?
sisagf: yeah, that trash … i’d like to throw it in your yard.
l-jo: IT WAS JUST ONIONS
sisagf: yeah…..I’d like to throw that trash in YOUR YARD!!!!!

Now, it is perfectly acceptable to become upset if you see someone litter. However, yelling at that person our your car window is hardly an exercise of good judgement, and continuing to harass a young girl after you’ve learned that she is guilty only of throwing two onion slivers out into a field seems a bit excessive to me, and may qualify you as as asshole, especially considering;

a.) the onions were thrown in a field between a Super Wal-Mart and a Marathon station. not exactly an aesthetic worth getting so upset over.
b.) the man was driving an SUV that was arguably more harmful to Morrow County than a sliver of onion, or our Hyundai combined and multiplied by two (one for each sliver of onion.)

the WORST part of all this was the wife, who, behind red lipsitck and large sunglasses, (presumably to hide some recent cosmetic surgery) was nodding her head enthusiastically as her husband shouted, as if she, too, would like to find out our address and throw the onion slivers into our yard.

looking back, I wish i would’ve taken the onions off Maybel’s cheeseburger and slapped one on each of their foreheads.

people can, at times, suck.

No related posts.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.
  • Monsterbeard

    Might I suggest enjoying onions? Maybe then you wouldn’t need to litter them. As for the SUV, he clearly uses that car to drive through fields while chasing after litterbugs, and that is definitely a Sport Utility.

  • crankin

    funny. on so many levels.

  • Sweet T

    I love this post. I always throw food things out the window for field creatures… You should have told him where your compost pile is.

  • PDawg

    Top 5 things the old people probably thought you yelled at them out the window:

    1) I HAVE BUNIONS!

    2) DON’T YOU LIKE FUNIONS?

    3) SCREW THE YOUNG ONES!

    4) I DO WHAT I WANT, HONEY BUNS!

    5) SUCK IT. I’M FROM BANGS.

  • The Experimental Dater

    I understand your pain sweetie! Screw those random asshole strangers.
    P.S. You used my evil nickname. I’ll get you for this. ;-)