there are so many things to be happy about today.

first, thanks for your call, but i will no longer be accepting “my best joke evers” via cell phone and/or personal email. type it out for the masses, lazy bums. i’m not collecting these just to award arbitrary points. Jesus is adding this to your file. he doesn’t care if the joke is really dirty. probably.

second, the MVN has an exclusive SCOOP.

My favorite juxtaposition?
RE: The Invetigation —
“Seven matches were discovered, six male and one female. They shared the exact same names, ages and zip codes as the sex offenders on eSORN. The information obtained in the investigation was passed on to MySpace.com and also turned over to local law enforcement.
That same month MySpace announced it was partnering with Sentinel Tech Holding Corp. to build a database with information on sex offenders in the United States.”

coincidence?!

thirdly, crime fighting.

Am i reading this wrong, or has that tree been leaning there since Christmas? If so, it was coming down just as school was letting out yesterday? The Dispatch Company really knows how to throw the weight around. The Watch: now more influential than 76-year-old Krumm Park resident Billy “the school volunteer” Adams. “He called The Watch. We called AEP.” They are drunk with power. No wonder Kirk Richards went on to fight crime. I’m similarly inspired.

Finally, the hottest story on my (almost former) beat this summer will likely be:

“My neighbor is tearing down his giant mansion to build a bigger, newer mansion and I will appeal to the board of building standards.”

almost as good as last summer’s blockbuster:

“The city won’t let me tear down my two mansions to build a super mansion complex in its place.”

And they think they have problems on the southside.

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  • Monsterbeard

    I have a friend (who will remain nameless) who went through a phase of telling Michael J. Fox Parkinson’s Disease jokes. No, I’m serious. For example: What does Michael J. Fox say during an earthquake? “I’m cured!”

    See, they’re sick.
    My favorite joke comes from the same person, and it’s about Darth Vader, but most jokes are all about the presentation, so maybe you should ask people to videotape their joke, upload it to youtube, and then link to that video here. That’s a lot of work. I’m tired.