and you thought you were a f*ck-up

Do you guys remember how I didn’t pay taxes last year?

I got confused about being married and ended up claiming Seth as a dependent for the entire year of 2005.

After owing Uncle Sam, like, $500 last year, I switched the all-important number on my 1040 (that 0,1 or 2 really does matter) and the government began withholding money from my paycheck. or so i thought.

Last night, during our internet tax/pizza party, seth and i discovered we owed $2,100. Does anyone understand how this is possible? I don’t really know anything about tax brackets, but I’m pretty sure we are not rich.

We tried several programs and each time, the $2,100 figure came back to haunt us. Our finances are pretty simple, I thought. Lots of interest payments = a handful of deductions. My company pays me in canned goods, etc.

This fee is problematic now for the following reasons:

1.) the temperature is 25 degrees below normal for this time of year, and shows no signs of warm-up, thanks, Crystal “the C***” Davis.
2.) we have a hole in our plywood floors and a chimney that needs to come down.
3.) we have disconnected the heating ducts that were once supported by aforementioned missing floor.
4.) the necessary gas lines and electricity required for HVAC are currently disabled.
5.) We had that money in savings to address items 2-4.
6.) May mortgage
7.) new brake pads for the Honda
8.) groceries
9.) marriage

and … this is when it really gets good…

this morning, while i was in the shower, seth informed me the water was backed up and emptying out into the basement. we had a feeling that was going to happen. and i think Maybel has another health problem, which we will not go into detail here.

My immediate reaction is hysteric, uncontrollable laughter. Seth is more of a “punch through the wall,” kind of guy as of late. At least that one has to come down anyway.

In conclusion, there have been a handful of trials in the new year. Most of them are self-inflicted.

You’re testin’ me, Killee McGee!!!

Despite all, I feel a really strange comfort. If I was a religous woman, I’d say it feels like hope. But i’m not, remember? I’ll just attribute it to the fifth of Vodka I had for breakfast.

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  • Mae

    If there was a can of environment-killing aerosal spray poison that fixed heating ducts, missing floors, crazed husbands, Honda parts, doggie parts, the IRS and global warming, I would bring the biggest can I could find and some Bon Jovi and fix all of your problems.

    I’ll check Wal-Mart.

  • crankin

    do you want me to come and help? i am good at rebuilding floors and walls, installing heating systems, and fixing the plumbing… really, these are all things i can do. you just give me the word and i am there. if not… i am sorry, and i love you.