Return of the Green Apron

Some time ago, I began compiling a list of famous people I served on a daily basis while a long-time barista at Starbucks — a job I would hold forever if Seth would let me. Also a job where, arguably, the perks (!) were much better, even at 20 hours. Apparently, employing (and offering rock-star health benefits) to 5 billion twenty-somethings is part of a grand-slam business plan.

As I list them, I wonder why I’m not more famous than I am.

It’s probably because of the phenomenon where, unless I have my hair pulled back and am wearing some sort of green smock-like attire, I am totally unrecognizable to these people. They’ve obviously stuck with me, however. A random sampling:

- Keith Daily, spokesman for our governor-elect. Venti mocha.
- Katie Wolfe, publisher of Cbus Alive, daughter of some dude. Venti traditional, no room, double cupped.
- Frankie Hejduk, Crew/US soccer wildman and former “bestie.” Dopio espresso
- Joel Pizzuti, or “super-rich Joel,” son of downtown dweller/artcollecter/jazzy industrial complex developer Ron. He would drink whatever his hangover requested that day.
- Jim Foster, OSU women’s baskeball coach. The Dispatch and The Times — never a coffee.
- Megan Pringle, hottie newsanchor, girlfriend of Joel. Two grande nonfat lattes. I’ll never forget the story of how she cleaned out her refrigerator one weekend.
- Andrea “not as hot in real life” Cambern. I can’t remember what she drank, because I could never get over that messy hairdo.
- Don Plank, attorney for every redevelopment project ever. Grande drip.

Steve Buscemi came in once.
I think it’s time to start calling in some favors.

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  • Anonymous

    INTERIOR–CROWDED COURTROOM
    (Megan Pringle has just been told by a judge that her cameras will be the only ones allowed for a shot of a perp walk of a man accussed of aiding a fleeing convict).
    Cynical Newspaperman(turning to Megan Pringle): What did he tell you?
    Megan Pringle (Smugly): He’s only allowing one camera in the courtroom.
    Cynical Newspaperman: Well…that’s good for you.
    Megan Pringle (Even more smugly): Why, thank you!

    That old woman “investigative” reporter for the other station was fuming underneath, you could just tell…and Megan Pringle was like “What’s up, you old bitch, I’ve got layered hair and a jacket with our logo on it…you want some?” I’ve chosen the wrong career.