We regret to inform you that you suck.

And this just in … the child molester identified earlier in the story is actually an orphaned organ-donor and Nobel prize recipient. Film at eleven. Shit,man.

There were errors. As in, you said this person is dead, but they are alive. Errors to the degree of Lazarus. Which in journalism, is frowned upon.

Lesson number 5,866 of my professional career: Confirm deaths. You heard it here first.

Lesson number 5,867 of my professional career: VPL means “Visible Panty Lines”

Today was a day of learning.

But I’m not half as incompetent as the guy who broke the hot water dispenser, resulting in a serious lack of green chai tea in SNPLand. There is, however, hot water at home, and from now on, it does not ‘smell like farts,’ or so I’ve been told.

I’ll get there eventually. There was a meeting this morning. And last night. And yesterday morning, which has complicated my life a bit, but I think the 2:55 showing of Snakes on a Plane might cure what ails me. Maybe I’ll get another rub down from an old lady.

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