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This particular Sunday evening brought a series of circumstances so cleverly calculated that even the strongest love could not survive.

At about 2 or 3 p.m., a couple came home from a washington court house wedding to a messy house, a hungry pig and a lawn of tall grass. At about 3:30 p.m., the handsome man, we’ll call him Teth Seter, decided to rip the magnesium rods out of the hot water tank to rid the water supply of a rotten egg smell that the couple thought, until Friday, was the result of sulfur in the country water.

(Background: water tests by the Culligan Man had revealed magnesium rods were the culprit, but I digress…)

His clever wife, we’ll call her, Our Hero, advised that the three-minute project could wait until the couple re-plumbs the entire house — a plan that was to be executed in approximately seven days. Teth did not heed Our Hero’s advise, so he continued on with the project — cutting pipes, yanking out plastic parts, etc.

At about 4:30 p.m., while Our Hero was uncharacteristically sharpening and re-installing lawn mower blades, Teth realizes a trip to Lowe’s would be required.

Upon a reverse exit from the driveway, Teth unfortunately backed his car into the family ditch. Despite a push from a group of neighbors, the car would not budge, and professionals were notified.

The couple waited for Dan’s Towing while fifteen miles away, employees at Lowe’s began to close up shop for the evening. The time was 4:30 p.m.

One hour and one $60 winching later, the Hyndai Accent was freed and Teth was on his way to buy a 1/2″ plastic piece that would make hot showers possible for everyone that evening. He slid in the doors at 5:50 p.m., but unfortunately, because of the rushed circumstances, and arguably, because of a haunting nagging from Our Hero, Teth picked up a size too small.

With a head in greasy hands, Our Hero wept softly to the sinking sun, half the lawn around her mowed. She feared that unless Lowe’s extends its Sunday hours, the marriage would surely fail.

The rest of the story has been censored. For the children.

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