call me george washington. or abe lincoln?

i totally chopped down a tree this weekend.

(and by chopped i mean “cut down with a chain saw,” and by tree i mean “an adequately-sized tree, probably not big enough to kill a man, but definitely large enough to seriously maim someone…”)

it may have looked unimpressive to most, but it really meant a lot to me. i have always wanted to do that. and seth said i looked hot with a chain saw, so there. we spent the weekend up up up away from the city at my parents house in ashland and we worked for a little bit dragging brush and setting fires and washing cars and moving heavy objects and various other chores. it felt gooooood.

there were no moving pictures on a screen in front of us. there were no sirens. there were no unfriendly transexual crossdresser servers at the drive-thru. there were only cheerful grocery store clerks, body-breaking assignments and the outside — with the smell of the country. ’twas fantastic. we had breakfast in the big open room with the glass doors for walls and we watched our puppies play outside with the hummingbirds. at night we watched a video from our senior prom, which was, as the 2000 theme suggested, Almost Paradise. No, we weren’t together then. Seth threw up a little afterward. Probably from the joy brought on by memories.

i want to live in the country.

but in the meantime, i have a new job to start tomorrow. and i need your help. i am not woman enough to fill out the clothes in the misses department, an at the same time, i do not enjoy the bedazzled, frayed, glittered and/or torn hip-hugging “business casual” clothes of the junior department. i have outgrown all the clothes i bought two years ago before they required all garments to be sanded before sold. this is quite a serious problem. petite sizes that i’ve found, (which apparently come only in size P8???) are also a no-go. all you fashion-savvies…get to work. you have to dress me.

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  • cat.

    this is a job for jessi dobos. here is what i have to tell you, as a woman with short legs: tailors. i know. i know, that sucks. i know it’s just another bill. but, i’m telling you. the other thing i have to tell you is: express. they are very helpful with the pants, and they have some pretty sensible-yet-fashionable shirts.

    on an unrelated-to-your-post-but-still-said note: the thing is, that nobody ever tells you, once you start working real jobby-jobs, you have to start actually paying money and actually going to stores and actually wincing when you hear the price rather than heartily congratulating yourself on another dollar-fifty well spent on a shirt that says “Grandview Grandparents Club” and then wearing said shirt to work.

    Godspeed, President Washington.

  • lemonscarlet

    I read your entry and swiftly clicked on “comment”, knowing this was, in fact, a job for me…and to my delight, Cat had called it, and paved the way for me, so here goes.

    Two words: ANN TAYLOR.

    Two more words (or rather an initial and a word): J. Crew.

    I would guess that ytou wear somewhere between a size 2 and 4. These sizes are easily found in both of these stores. You may have to have pants hemmed. In this, I defer to Cat. The one bodily thing besides boobs that I am blessed with is legs that are the exact length for which they make regular pants and therefore, have never had anything hemmed.

    You probably do not need ot wear suits every day….Man, I hope not because if you do, be prepared to drop a grand on enough suits ot get you through. (five suits is recommended…just rotate through and once you’ve worn them twice, dry cleaning!)

    If you do not have to wear suits, buy one for very important meetings and then invest in at least three good pairs of pants : black, grey, khaki (plain front…NO pleats!) and three plain skirts (black and/or grey of varying lengths although none above the knee is suggested.) Shirts, use your judgement of course, but those tried and true long sleeve or 3/4 lenth button downs are affordable and look crisp. Find these at Old Navy, Gap and Banana Republic (ascending order of price and quality) A good jacket for each season is a good idea and you can easily wear it once a week with different pieces. Suggest black or off-white. Need more info, email me. Lemonscarlet@gmail.com

  • L-Jo

    thank you ladies.

    you have saved me from department store depression. i, too, frequent the stores of thrift, and therefore was highly unqualified for the task at hand.

    i go now, to the mall, with confidence. (and a list!!)

    thanks again,
    lt