Receive copy of birth certificate in the mail.
Replace stolen license, ss card, library card, etc. Drunkenly mourn free movie passes, $25 American Eagle gift certificate and just under $60 in Starbucks tips. Plead with maker that these things will be used for good and not evil. Curse the French, for good measure.
Apply for an expediated passport.
Spend one week in Costa Rica with the ‘rents.
Find a journalism job in Ohio.
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