i wanna do right but not right now.

wait..no…it hasn’t…

has it?

So they tell me it’s been a week. Seven days ago I embarked upon a journey that both kindered old flames and enlightened new paths to righteousness.

Mae took me to Nashville last week and it was super-fun! You’ve heard the stories, now let it be confirmed that twelve-hour road trips with Miss Klingler should be packaged and promoted at your local AAA office. She’s ubers of fun. And Nashville is fun. And Gillian Welch will win you over. And David Rawlings is not as hot as everyone says – mostly just cute – And pigs are good to eat. These are some of the many truths I learned on this trip. Let’s start at the BUX.

I would rather die than ever work at another Starbucks. A strong statement? yes. A reflection upon Mae’s Starbucks? Absolutely not. Everyone there was real sweet, and the customers were highly entertaining. The only problem: everything was backward. (Note: not backward from the “right” way, but backward from “the 2508 Starbucks” way, and therefore highly confusing to my tiny monkey brain.) Imagine the horror of reaching for the grande lids only to find talls, or reaching for the sleeves only to find the milk pitchers – and imagine all these horrors happening just over 300 times in 8 hours. And they don’t mark cups, they only mark sleeves. i didn’t even know you could do this. And no matter what the bar person is doing, they only make drinks if you call them, and you cannot do this with a cup in hand. you have no cups at the register. get over it. I admire Mae for staying competent in such conditions. She was rockin the bar. i, however, felt like a total fool. I also knocked a pitcher of milk over which was hilarious, but apparently doesn’t happen every ten minutes at this particular store.

Lord help me I would rather be the one saying “what the hell is she doing?” to the girl who doesn’t know where anything is rather than the girl who is asking “where are the chargers?” “do you sanitize this or that?” “How many fraps do you back up in the fridge?” etc. Even though all Starbucks are “the same,” let me assure you, they are, much like people, different.

So the good folks at Mae’s Starbucks put up with my incompetent whining until it was time to go home. I’m not sure I made any best friends, but the evening was yet to come. we got home, watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, which is hilarious, did foot rubs (nobody does it better, baby) and ate some dinner at Wendy’s after some minor discussion/complications involving a pantry, as I understood it.

The next morning, we were off. Now i don’t want to tell you every detail here, because some of it is just for me. However. It was an awesome trip. It only reinforces the old lesson that the phone is dead to me and that face time is by far the best time.

Assorted moments:

Gillian Welch’s Impala barreling across the gravel parking lot at us, missing the tiny Accent by inches.
Sorting through the glass-covered floor of the Accent for a pen to write a note to Miss Welch.
$7.50 Pork Sandwich aka “tiny lunch” (Damn you, delicious piggies!)
$3 Newcastle, baby. Or was it $4? Anyway, Newcastle baby.
Two truths and a lie.
Department store dresses and cowboy boots.
Pristine cowboy hats in white.
“Do you know of any good places to eat BBQ?”
While swerving off the road…”It looks like Michael Keaton”
“Now even though you are superwoman, if you decide to drive on to Columbus, I will personally wrap my hands around your neck and squeeze until you’re dead if you don’t call me when you get home.”

There were many other things, like the tiny squint in Gillian’s face when she sings that could only be noticed by those in the front row. (yeah, baby!) And there was stopping by the Country Fixens restaurant to lay a little cable. And there was the guy with his kid aka the coolest dad ever. And there was this bird – you wouldn’t believe it! And there was an interesting cover of song, you may know it, by a band called Radiohead. And there was Elvis, and guitars, and other things. But I’m not going to give it to you that easy. Get your own damn memories! These are mine! I hold on to them tightly!

Have you ever cried because you miss somebody when they are in the room with you? Then you haven’t had a friend like Mae Klingler.

IN THE LAST WEEK HERMAN ate his first worm, and there was no reluctance on his part. Last night we made stir-fry and watched Fraggle Rock. I learned what a Forsner bit means. Tune in next week for more on this.

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