we are the proud owners of six clamps.

i am ready to talk to you now.

Seth and I have been building a workbench. And yes, we wear those outfits during construction. The problem is that you have to have a workbench to build a workbench. The other problem is that we live in a tiny, four-room apartment. Luckily, the rooms are somewhat giant. The kitchen floor and the coffee table do well for workspace. There are no electric tools in this process. We are learning to cut straight lines with a Japanese saw and chip giant mortise and tenon joints with chisel and mallet. I know that a rip saw cuts with the grain and a cross-cut saw cuts (you guessed it) across the grain. Does anybody think this is weird?

I understand now why the son of god was a carpenter. It takes an amazing amount of patience to build things out of wood. You have to, as old man Werther would say, “See it in the wood.” I wonder if Jesus would have been as distracted as I was during the premiere of John Stamos’ new show on ABC.

My dad has been coaching us via cell phone and internet. It is so cute. The smell and the sawdust in our apartment remind me of hanging out with him. I think it’s ultra cool that when i called my dad and told him we found bench plans in a book by some dude named Scott Landis at the Taunton Press, he said “Oh yeah, i’ve got it right here. Is it a Klausz bench?” If you don’t know who these people are, you should rent the VHS at your local library.

Colleen, you will be so proud of me when you see this thing.

In other news, i overuse this particular transition.

I’m headed down south tomorrow. Gonna get me a Klingler and steal her away to Nash Vegas. That is, if the fever doesn’t get her first. But before we leave, I get to work in her BUX. I’ve never worked in another Starbucks before. I’m worried because i don’t know how to call drinks very well. We don’t so much do that in my store. It’s more like “Hey Greg, you’re up,” or “Hey Nancy, your latte is ready,” or “Hey Will, Elizabeth is gay. Stop hitting on her and come get your drink….what? Too hot to be a lesbian? I don’t even know what that means. Come over here and get your drink. You’re holding up the line.” I’m not sure this system will work as well if i have to call everybody “dude” or “chick” or “stranger.” I’m not even sure that there will be gays. Iced Decaf Venti Vanilla Nonfat No Foam Latte. This is all I have to remember. We’ll see how it goes. Can’t wait to get my hands on that Verissimo, or what we La Marzocco users call the “Millennium Falcon 2099.”

A fun game is to see how sad you can sing the alphabet. One of you get the guitar, and the other one, start singing. Stretch out the notes and see if you can make each other cry. “G” is by far the most depressing note in the song. Followed closely by “P.” Man, that one’s a downer.

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  • colleen

    lyndsey, i miss you bragging about my loft. simply having it is a point of shame for me. i tend to try to keep the fact that i built it under wraps, i feel that if they all knew, the shame would be almost unbearable. i am proud of you for branching off and starting to use your own creative workworking genius. before long, you will be designing things all on your own. oh how i am so proud!

  • Anonymous

    Lyndsey, everyone here would certainly appreciate more references to the Millenium Falcon. Please act accordingly.

    And can we see some pictures of you two in your work outfits?

    And what if we want to sponsor you in the walk but don’t want to sign up on the thing where you donate? Is that possible? Thank you.

  • L-Jo

    hello anonymous.

    sure, you can pledge me offline.

    not sure i’ve ever said that before.

    anyway, email me @ lj200100@ohio.edu, and i’ll give you my address, or you can call me if you know me. is this ryan?

    I’ll see what i can do about your other requests. Thank you an have a nice day.