Can I get some degrees up in here baby?

Well folks, it’s January 24, 2005 in Ohio today, and the British have declared this “the most depressing day of the year.” Using whatever science they deem sensational, Brits have constructed a formula for depressing days which i have re-enacted below:

1/8W+(D-d) 3

——————- * COCKSHIT

8xTQ MxNA

Where:

W: Weather

D: Debt

d: Money due in January pay

T: Time since Christmas

Q: Time since failed quit attempt

M: General motivational levels

NA: The need to take action

COCKSHIT: The mother f’n wind chill factor. Damn!

Read: Watch out for desperate drivers looking for a head-on collisions, folks hanging themselves from the side of buildings, or couples who have stayed in their bedroom for the past several days eating a leftover ham.

That’s right it’s winter here in the capital city and everything is as gray as gray as gray as it can get and don’t forget the bitter cold! and the wind! oh the wind! people and animals all over the world are alone and outraged.

“I have to drink at least 1 Guinness an hour to keep my bones warm,” said Seth Teter, an Ohio Farm Bureau worker whose 2003 Hyundai Accent refused to start on his way to work this morning. “I want some TAcoBell,” he added, emphasizing all the wrong syllables.

“Ppppfffftttt. Pffffttt, Pfffffffffttttttt,” said Professor Herman, a hedgehog.

Will winter keep our souls locked up in its icy hand of death forever?

Film at eleven.

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  • Doc NOS

    Try a schnapps. It’ll warm you better than beer.

  • L-Jo

    i’m sorry that I said cockshit.